&#if all you have is leaving;;i’ma need a better reason;;to write you;;a love song;;today#&

time: 12;04am

listening: sara bareilles

eating: nothing

So tonight I watched two movies… well I watched one but flicked to another during the ads cos I had already seen the latter.

These movies, which I should probably mention as being In Her Shoes (main) and Pride And Prejudice, Keira Knightley version,  (flicker), got me thinking about two things.

1. What I would do in life without my brother and sister, but particularly this movie, my sister and;

2. My sad love life.

Number 2 was also compounded by the wonderful occasion of Valentine’s Day two days ago (as it is now Saturday). As usual, I did not have a Valentine. Well not a proper one. I did however have a best friend. I’ll explain later but at the moment I’m getting sidetracked. Ok?

1. Pretty much this got me thinking about what life would be like without my sister. It was a very depressing thought. I can absolutely hate her at times, be completely disgusted at her, and she’ll say one thing and I’ll be laughing my head off. She is the only person in this world of 6 billion who can do that to me. Not even my best friends have anywhere near that influence. I spose that’s cos Mil really is my best friend; people may hurt me, friends may turn out to be bitches, but family will never leave you, no matter how much you piss each other off. My brother can be the same; he’s an absolute pain but I love him to bits and wouldn’t trade him for anything… a walking encyclopedia who doesn’t take himself too seriously, and isn’t too busy for his little sister. So yeh.

Slightly emo child as I am, (and this is quite strange for me to admit, so if you bag me out I will personally kill you), I sometimes think about people dying. Like, say, my mum. Or my sister. If I was at school and my phone rang, and someone told me that I needed to come home straight away. And I found out that my sister had been killed in a car accident. And she was gone, just like that. If I’m in a sad mood anyway, even the thought of my sister or anyone in my family dying can almost make me cry. If I was an actor in some low budget movie that’s how I would fake cry; I would think about someone dying. Depressing, huh?

Onto another depressing but rather more superficial topic:

2. My love life! (or lack thereof)

I will start with the movieness. Pride and Prejudice, and I have decided that, pathetic as I am, I can only dream of anything like that ever happening to me. Cos really, it only happens in the movies, doesn’t it? Well seeing as how no-one reads this blog anyway I can admit what I like. I would love for someone to confess their love for me in the pouring rain (like Mr Darcy to Elizabeth). To walk in the morning fog and meet that same someone. There you have it my children, I am a hopeless romantic.

Slight obstacle to this.

I have never had a boyfriend, and do not appear likely to acquire one in the near future. I don’t fall for guys easily, but when I do, I fall hard. I was hung up on a certain guy for at least a term, and still would not reject him even now (though I like to kid myself I’ve moved on. Yay for false pretences.). So where does that leave me? With a dream that someone, someday, will wait till it’s raining and then decide they love me, I guess.

And back to Valentine’s Day. Quite a depressing day for singles each year, I dare say. I know it slightly is for me each year, due to said obstacle and followed lack of Valentine. Well this year, two Very Nice Things happened.

The first was that one of my best friends (a guy who happens to be going out with one of my other friends) took it upon himself to buy me a rose and surprise me, just cos he knew I wasn’t expecting anything. This made me really happy cos it showed me that love on Valentine’s Day isn’t just for boyfriends or girlfriends, it can also be for good friends.

The second Very Nice Thing was also a non-boyfriend/girlfriend/partner Thing. As I’ve mentioned before, my parents got separated late last year. Obviously, this being the first Valentine’s Day since, it was going to be tough for my mum. I didn’t quite know how to treat it but didn’t have time to do anything anyway. But my brother bought her a box of her favourite chocolates and a card and left it out for her for when she got home from work. It made her so happy.

The card said this:

“Just so you know, your love means the world to us.”

I don’t really know why, but I almost cried when I read that.

I guess it’s because it’s so true.