&#this is the way you left me;;i’m not pretending;;no hope, no love, no glory;;no happy ending#&

time: 10;58pm

listening: mika

eating: tears

I realised something tonight.

Why I go in, why I shut down, why I act so indifferent to the whole thing.

Why I can’t be bothered to reply to his emails.

Why I don’t want to talk to him.

Why I have nothing to say to anyone.

It’s because if I acknowledge it, if I have to pretend to be getting on with life how I used to, if I show any sign of caring, even to myself, it’ll just plain hurt too much.

And really, I’m still only a child.

No-one deserves that kind of hurt.

Especially not from their own father.

EDIT: Guys, even though I have stopped talking to him altogether for the moment, know that I no longer feel the way I did when I wrote this. I am not depressed, stop worrying =] I would just get rid of it but I decided when I made this not to “hide from the past” by deleting entries. xx ( 23/5/08 )