I stumbled across this tonight, it’s something I wrote at the very start of Year 12. I think we were told “Write a feature article about belonging.” – a very inspiring starting point. The actual thing isn’t that well written but it was properly researched and has some interesting facts, so instead of bothering to rewrite/condense the points, you get to read all of it.
be-lon-ging /bǝ’lɒᶇιᶇ, bi-/ noun 1. relationship, affinity 2. {to belong} have the right personal or social qualities to be a member of a particular group
As a child, I used to build houses out of Lego® blocks. One block, two blocks, red blocks, blue blocks. The last two, however, could never be combined- this was an absolutely essential design feature of my four-walled, single-door masterpieces. To my six-year-old self, it just didn’t seem natural that a blue block could be happily nestled amongst all those reds; wouldn’t it want to fit in?
Many years later, I look back on this theory with some amusement, as I contemplate the very high likelihood that I was not so worried about the happiness of a non-conforming blue block as the generally aesthetically displeasing effect it gave to my houses. Yet it causes me to think- what became of the blue block, when it was rejected from the house of red bricks? And indeed, what becomes of people when they are rejected from society?
It is increasingly apparent that early childhood experiences can have a significant impact on the development of children, continuing right through to adulthood. The factors range from interfamily relationships to socioeconomic status, all having an effect on social and emotional development. Essentially, a sense of worthiness, belonging and acceptance in the wider community is the aim; but in such a society where conformity is (though perhaps not admitted openly) the ideal, how can children who are different be expected to flourish? Research shows that people from low socioeconomic backgrounds have a doubled risk of depression later in life compared to those from high socioeconomic backgrounds. This is not to say, however, that depression does not occur amongst higher-income earners. Even the wealthy keenly feel the need to belong, but some can tragically fall under the impression that they are valued only for their success, not for their actual self, leading to depression and a lowered sense of esteem.
A recent study also indicates that children from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, single-parent families or divorced parents have a greater likelihood of troubled relationships throughout their life. A loving family forms the basis for a child’s sense of belonging, and holds a sense of security for children. If this attachment is absent or compromised during early developmental years, it is also likely that peer relationships later on in life will suffer. Without these attachments, there is an increased risk that a child will grow up socially incompetent and also disadvantaged intellectually. Research carried out by the Supported Accommodation Assistance Program, a government project assisting the homeless, cites family or relationship breakdown as the reason behind 11 per cent of homelessness in NSW, and domestic and family violence as the cause of 22 per cent.
“Homelessness is an inadequate experience of connectedness with family and community,” says Dominic Mapstone, a social worker and director of Rebecca’s Community, a support network for homeless youths. He believes that giving homeless people a group in which they feel valued and a sense of belonging promotes positive thinking, leading to active attempts to re-establish their place within society.
“Just dreaming of a better life is depressing in the long run because the dreams don’t come true. The fact is, unless you are actively choosing to do something different this month compared to last, you aren’t in charge of your life, it’s in charge of you.”
Kevin Barbieux of Nashville, Tennessee, also commonly known as “The Homeless Guy”, had similar points to make. [this is a real guy, I didn't make up that name... and this wasn't part of the article, this is me clarifying later haha]
“The only thing that motivates a homeless person to leave homelessness is a renewed belief that he or she is truly welcomed by society, and that a real place of significance and dignity awaits them once they leave homelessness.”
Common to these examples is an underlying need for acceptance and belonging, which, according to Abraham Maslow’s “Hierarchy of Needs”, a theory published in 1943, is crucial in maintaining a healthy self esteem and confidence. Encompassed in the category “Love and Belonging”, however, is the term “sexual intimacy”, and it is here perhaps where too many adolescents are left by the wayside. Studies show that amongst the young gay, lesbian and bisexual community, there is an increased risk of depression, substance abuse, homelessness and school dropout when compared to their heterosexual peers. Suicide attempts have been acknowledged by a disturbing 42 per cent of GLB teens and young adults. Most of these attempts occurred after the person had identified themselves as gay, but before having a same-sex experience and before publicly revealing themselves as gay. This alarming fact draws attention to the stigmatisation and negative connotations associated with the GLB community. It is the fear in the minds of these young people that they will not belong in society once revealing themselves as gay which drives them into depression, and potentially to their death. This fear of rejection is also prevalent amongst other minority groups, such as those distinguished by race.
There is something wrong with our society when we expect everyone to conform to an ideal, unattainable by so many, and reject those who do not fit the mould. Every human being has the ability to dream of a better day, and every human being should have the right to strive for it.
Next time I’ll leave the blue Lego® block exactly where it was- amongst the red, celebrating its uniqueness.
The houses always were a bit boring anyway.
